mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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