Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
try to milk me bitch
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