Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
