SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
