Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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