Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
birth control should be required to get into college
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
