The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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