I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
