Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
