this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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