Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
