I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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