I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
