I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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