I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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