When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
