they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
