I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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