i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
how drunk are you?
Several
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
