I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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