I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
