at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
