you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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