Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
