Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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