hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize