every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
