my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize