the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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