Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
there's paper in my vomit.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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