I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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