Tell her she can't have a vagina
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i believe in u and ur pee
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
