I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
