I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
