I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
