Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
