i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
