no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
