He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
