the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
