According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
