I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
