She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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