I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
