she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
