I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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