i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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