Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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