My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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