Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
