READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
