Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
