what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
barbara walters just said penis...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
