i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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