So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
