Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Terrible idea I love it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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