Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
