the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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