I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
