he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
