No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
