Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
