If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
