You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
