Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
