I'm lost and stupid without you.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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