I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
