Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You may now shotgun with the bride
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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