Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
this is an emotional support booty call
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
