In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
