that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
