It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
