so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
