I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
