well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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