She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
false alarm, still single
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
