i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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