she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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