My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
