I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
