Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
