forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
