covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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