My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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