Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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