i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
