Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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